My dear friends, look at to what love has mutated in our minds. It mutated into a business. Into a business-relationship that insists on the partner’s sole ownership at most levels.
The smallest violation of the rule of absolute exclusiveness in the marriage has mostly devastating consequences. Punishment, drama, war between the partners is what is left of love. Control and constant pressure through making each other bad conscience.
Of course it is our choice to live like this. Out of fear of destroying our marriage peace and loosing the well-known security we choose to accepts this mutual possessing, manipulating and controlling. As Hermann Hesse says in the Steppenwolf: “But it’s a poor fellow who can’t take his pleasure without asking other people’s permission.” Poor perhaps, but still self choosing his/her own prison.
And yet I totally understand this kind of business-relationship, provided that one understands the way how the old-fashioned relationships and family connections work. They are based on the strong feeling of separation, disconnection with the wholeness of life, lack of trust in life, and thus they are based on feeling of fearfulness, awkwardness, helplessness. If we feel ourselves separate and helpless, we easily accept the total dependency on the partner together with control, often very meaningless duties, mutual expectations and so on . And we demand and desperately need the constant presence and care of our partner.
Instead of honestly talking to each other about the own needs, feelings, emotions, our wish to share with other people, we believe that the partner has to meet all of our needs, and we have no right to be bound too close emotionally with other people, who could share with us, what the partner cannot share, because this could endanger this business-relationship based on sole ownership. And so we don’t even want to see that it is precisely this prison that we have made of the partnership that leads us to be unfaithful and dishonest.
Again: it’s our choice, how we wish to live, and how many choices we will make that are based on the belief in the rightness of a business-relationship or on other similar old-fashioned beliefs. However, I am happy that the world is developing more and more each day, so that more and more people do not claim exclusive rights to their partners. But it will probably take several decades, if not centuries, for a more open, tolerant and less possessive model of partnership to become firmly established. It all depends on the state of our consciousness.